I'd die to know you love me
by ALPHA R3D
Summary: For the record that running away is not a smart idea but it’s all I have. Loosing Derek killed me and I don’t want to go through that pain again. I’m so screwed up that there’s only one person could save me a man I havent seen in two years...R&R!
1. Broken

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own LWD _But_ I Do Own The Characters That Aren't In The Show.

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did_

Dear Diary,

I dyed my hair chocolate brown while everyone was asleep. It came out really nice. I've wanted to do this for so long I've had the dye for how many weeks?

…I can't take this anymore…I can't keep pretending I'm okay…

He cheated on me, Diary. He cheated on me with Kendra. After promising never to hurt me Derek cheats on me with his ex-girlfriend. I caught them together in his room. I was speechless to say the least.

When we finally spoke he said it was because I was too demanding. That my needs for perfection made him feel like he was never good enough. He had become resentful of the fact that I was trying to change him. Not only that, but he informed me that the family was so sick and tired of my rules and manifestos. He said he loved me but that wasn't good enough anymore. That was a week ago and I haven't felt the need or desire to come out of my room since.

Summer vacation just started so it's not like I'm missing anything important. I actually do come out when no one else is around or when they're asleep. I just don't have the strength to see him. It's bad enough that I can hear him in his room.

You should have heard us that day diary, we were screaming so loud that our parents heard the whole thing. They're still waiting for answers.

Since then Derek has apologized, profusely I might add, through my locked door and e-mails but it's not him I'm mad at it's me. I'm mad at myself because I know he's right. I have issues Diary, and I'm not talking about magazine subscriptions.

I know the rest family's worried about me my mother and sister have tried to talk to me several times but I can't let them see me like this. Not when I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. I need to resolve these problems and the last thing I need is them trying to convince me that nothing's wrong with me.

What scares me the most is, the fight that Derek and I had was almost identical to the fight my mom and dad had before they divorced. I don't want to end up like that. I love my mother but her life is not for me. I need answers and since I know that my mother won't tell me what went wrong in her marriage to my father…

In her eyes dad did everything wrong and I'm not sure if that was true anymore. He had been a great father to Lizzy and me. Sure he was a workaholic but I remember him being good to mom.

My mom, Nora, isn't very good at accepting her faults and it's clear that, that's where I got my personality from. I need to know exactly what went wrong with my parent's marriage so that my future doesn't tell the same story. I know it sounds over-dramatic but loosing Derek killed me and I'm not willing to go through it again. In my opinion, there's only one person I can turn to for help. A man I haven't seen in almost two years, my father.

I want to state for the record that this is **not **a smart idea but it's all I got. It's 3 in the morning. I'm going to sneak out of the house and drive to see my dad in Toronto. I know that in pervious entries I mentioned he worked in New York but, a while ago he returned to Toronto because another law firm offered him more money and a partnership. Okay Diary, I'm leaving now…wish me luck. _–Casey M._

Casey closed her diary and stuffed it in her duffle bag.

'_The last thing I need is anyone finding it' _

She thought to herself as she searched the room for things she might need. She made sure to remove any and all clues as to where she might be, even from her computer. Then she quietly made her way downstairs into the kitchen and left a note she had written for them. She thought about leaving something special for Derek but then decided against it. She wasn't doing this for him; she was doing it for her. Casey walked over to the key rack and pulled her mother's car keys. With that she walked to the front door turned back blew a kiss to her family and left for Toronto.

Tell me what you think! Please review, reviews make me wanna write more…ehhh


	2. Speeding Cars

**Disclaimer:**I Do Not Own LWD _But_ I Do Own The Characters That Aren't In The Show If I Decide To Put Any.

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I Will Not Cause Myself Cause My Heart So Much Misery.

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I've been driving for an hour and a half. It wouldn't be long till I get to my dad's apartment about another hour or so. I stopped by this shabby looking liquor store to get some coffee and something to eat. I should probably eat something sensible but my sensibility is one of the many things that got me into this mess. So from now on I'm doing things differently.

When I parked the car I get out my brush and brush my hair into a pony-tail leaving my sweeping bang over my left eye. Then I put on my shades. The whole point is to not have anyone recognize me and I think if my own mother saw me she wouldn't.

I walked in a big biker looking guy greeted me. I got some chips, a bottle of coke, some candy, and a star bucks coffee. When I went to pay I took out my bank card. I had saved up a lot of money from odd jobs, Christmas', collecting change, allowances, and of course birthday's. I was always very practical, always saving for a rainy day.

"Is that all?" The man asked me.

"Yea"

"You wanna buy some booze its on sale?"

"Uh, I forgot my Id." I say not wanting a spew of why an underage girl is old driving out this late.

"Eh, don't worry bout it. So you want it?"

Trying not to look shocked I looked at him "Yea let me have the Jack Daniels" Might as well it's on sale and all.

"At-ta girl. Its gonna be 23.47"

I give him my bank card, pay for everything, and then went back to the car. I hid the jack Daniels under the seat, just in case, and took off. I'm going to drink it…just later.

It won't be long until I reach my dads apartment. I keep telling myself. Surprisingly I'm not that tired. Once I finished my coffee I was wide awake. The suns coming up my mom should be walking up soon to get started on breakfast. She'll see my note and…

My phone starts to ring.

"Hello" I would have never expected to hear this voice over the phone.

"Casey? It's Marty…I…I read your note" The sadness in her voice shatters my heart. Marty had just turned 7 and with the guidance of the MacDonald's learned to read bright and early. It doesn't surprise me that she could call me we have all of our cell phone numbers on speed dial.

"I don't understand a lot of the words but um, I know it says that you left" She's always been so smart. She's bound to do so well in life.

"Marty…what are you doing up so early"

"We were going to the zoo today everyone is starting to wake up"

"Did my mom see the note?"

"No."

"Marty I love you I need you to know that. I just need to clear my head and sort some things out. This is not your fault nor is it anyone else's, alright, I want you to know that too"

"Not even Smerek's"

"Not even Derek's. I've needed to do this since way before Derek" I say and it's true.

"I love you too Casey. Come home soon I'm gonna miss you; Smerek will too I know he is. "

"Tell everyone I love them. Have fun at the Zoo. Take lots of pictures and have Lizzy e-mail them to me. Marty, do me a big favor, don't worry about me I'm okay and I'll be home soon."

"Okay I'll do that! And Casey Smerek is real sorry for making you sad."

"I know Marty, me too."

"Bye."

"Bye…"

I was in tears. She's so young I hope this didn't ruin her day. She was probably really excited about the Zoo too. Maybe she was even hoping I'd go this time…

As I wiped the tears from my eyes I got another phone call. I didn't know whether or not to answer. At the last minute I picked it up phone.

"Casey this is your mother. The one that still came seem to understand why you left. You know, I thought that, if we gave you some space, you would be okay. I think it's high time you finally tell me what's going on." She says frustrated and worried which I thought she would be.

Alright Casey keep your game face on and your tone steady. I have to convince her that this is for the best and she won't think that if she can hear me crying.

"Mom I need some time to think and sort things out. I know you think I'm young but you've trusted me so far to make my own choices I need to you keep doing that. Mom I am not okay and no matter how many times I pretend to be I'm not. I need to figure it out so I will be. I know I should have done this another way but I just really needed to leave. Sitting in my room locked up asking questions without getting any answers is not how I want to spend the rest of my life." I say exhausting all my breath.

"Casey, come home. We'll talk about it and find the answers together running away is not the answer."

"Don't you see Mom I'm not ruining away? Do me a favor, Take Marty to the Zoo have a great time, take great pictures and I'll be home before you know it."

"_What do you mean she left? Why did she leave? Where is she? I'll go get her! No she has to come back she can't just leave like this!"_ I hear in the background. I'd know that voice anywhere it was Derek.

"Mom I have to go. Please don't look for me. I'll be okay I'll have my cell phone and I have money. I'll call you….and please tell Derek not to call me I need space" With that I hung up and turned off the phone.

I looked over at the directions I got off Map Quest and got off the exit. Thirty minutes later I was parked in front of my dad's place. The place was nice and expensive. The type of place you would expect a top dollar lawyer to live. I got in easy enough and in a few minutes I was in front of apartment 1512.

I knocked but there was no answer. I tried the door and to my surprise it wasn't locked. But it wouldn't be the last time I would be surprised, no.

Because what I saw next shocked the hell out of me…

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	3. Flashing Lights

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own LWD _But_ I Do Own The Characters That Aren't In The Show.

_**I will not break the way you did you fell so hard**_

It was weird to find my father passed out on the couch with a bottle of vodka on his grasp. His face looked as if it hadn't met a razor in weeks and his hair doesn't seem to have been trimmed or washed in months.

The penthouse was filthy and reeked of old trash and strong booze. Unopened bills laid askew on the table, neglected dishes towered over the sink. Random bits of long ago eaten junk food wrappers and bags littered the apartment. Basically, it was a landfill.

This was my father, the top notch lawyer from New York. I looked around with a slight twitch in my eye. I know I want to change and become a different person but I need to clean this place up. Its ridiculous and unsanitary. Not even Derek got this bad. Okay now I really need to clean. I not going to bother waking my father up because its way too early.

The initial shock had worn off when I realized that this wasn't the first time I heard about his drinking problem. I heard he was really addicted to alcohol but when he came to visit I figured they were just rumors.

After about two hours I had finished cleaning. All I had to do was vacuum. I had found that my father did own actual cleaning supplies but they were hardly used. Finally I vacuumed with my father's Swivel Sweeper.

"I can't believe that you're still asleep" I said to him as I walked over to open the curtains. The view of Toronto was gorgeous.

I heard my dad groan and shift on the couch.

"Dad?"

"DAD!" I try again much louder.

With his eyes squinting he looks in my direction. I close the curtains again.

"Casey…what are you doing here…?" His voice groggy.

"I needed to talk to you"

"How did you get in?"

"You left the door unlocked" I stated a matter-o-factly. He looked around the room slightly disoriented.

"…You cleaned…how long have you been here"

"Long enough so that you can't lie yourself out of this"

"Ah, so there's no point in trying…good"

He says taking a sip of his vodka.

"So much for father daughter bonding" I say bittery

"Casey what do you want from me?"

"I'm glad you asked" I reply with a fake peppiness in my voice "I need answers"

He paused for a second they sighed heavily.

"To what?"

"I want to know why you and mom divorced"

He took a few more gulps of his bottle and slumped back on the couch.

"We divorced because she was a total nag. She wanted perfection and I couldn't give it to her. She pushed me and herself into being a flawless and fake. Everything had to be done a certain way or else she'd flip and it was annoying. Nora expected more than any human being on this planet could give."

"The same reasons Derek broke up with me" I said quietly I didn't expect him to hear me.

"Derek? You're stepbrother?"

"…yes…" I think I'm allowed to cry now right?

"Oh. Yea…Casey you need to make sure to be like Nora. She was a bitch"

"Do you even care that I fell in love with my stepbrother"

"I care! But how do you expect someone to respond when you're acting like you're…Nora." distain oozed from his voice.

"So that's it that's why you two divorced?"

"No…I cheated on her too" He tells me taking another drink.

I take the bottle away and dump it in the sink.

"With Who!?" I yell.

"That's not important. You should go home now."

"No! I won't go home. Dad I can't leave you here like this. Look at you, your drinking at 8 in the morning. You haven't even had breakfast."

"Who are you to nag me!?" He yelled at me.

"I'M YOUR DAUGHTER!" I screamed back my tears threatening to fall.

"Oh yea…okay. Well I don't have food or anything here but I guess you can order something" He says in a calm tone. Note to self dump out all the booze.

"So that's it I can stay"

He looked at me for a second then he smiled.

"If it keeps you from being Nora…sure."

"Dad, why do you hate her so much? She's still my mother."

"I'm going to go sober up you can sit here and watch TV."

"uh…okay"

With that he left to clean himself up. I opened the windows and Fabreezed the hell out of the penthouse. Then cleaned off the couch. When I checked all his bills I saw that they were all paid direct deposit.

I looked around not trusting the furniture. Who knows what died in there or what was still living in it.

"The furniture doesn't bite, Cassandra." I father emerged looking clean and pristine and well like my dad. I went over and hugged him. I had a long night and I could really use a hug.

To which he did. My dad hugged me and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

"The cleaners should be here any minute to clean the carpet and scrub everything. I know how you like your cleanliness. And if it bothers you we can buy new furniture that ones old anyway."

I couldn't help but smile. "I'm surprised you even have clean clothes"

"I keep them clean for when I have to handle a big case. How do you think I pay for everything? I clean up win the case, take the money, and veg until the next worthy case comes along."

"So you're not going broke right?"

"You kidding me I'm filthy rich"

"You got the filthy part right" I say laughing. He smiles at me.

"I'm sorry for earlier but thanks for not screaming and yelling at me about the alcohol"

"Its okay I have a bottle of Jack in my Duffle."

"How did you get it?" With a surprise tone in his voice, he asks me.

"The liquor store guy sold it me to, it was on sale."

He patted me on the head. But didn't say I couldn't have it. He walked over to the door and signaled me to fallow him. Dad gave me his car keys because I didn't trust him to drive.

Driving the Viper felt amazing! I was strong I was powerful and I looked hot! Sorry…I've never driven a fast care before.

"So how did you get here?"

"I took mom's car told her not to look for me. That I needed to figure things out"

"And she's okay with that?"

"I didn't give her much of a choice to be honest"

"I'll have it sent back to her today. I'll get you your own car its obvious you like the faster ones."

"Dad you don't have to buy me things. But I would really appreciate it if you did" I say with a laugh what can I say I really love the car. Now I know why everyone was talking about it so much the last time he came.

"I know but I want to. I want to give all the things you need to be a happy normal girl. Money does buy happiness, Casey don't be fooled." I gave a small smile but remained quiet.

"So…must be hard at home when you're Ex lives in the same house"

"It is, I didn't come out of my room for a week. He said he was sorry for everything he did and said but it's not him I'm angry at I'm mad at myself."

I knew the area pretty well and I know where I wanted to go to eat. It was this small diner a little bit away. They served the best pancakes.

"Do you want me to kill him, or we could sue for wrongful endangerment of my daughter's heart, I'd win." a let out a small laugh.

"No dad. It's not his fault. It's me who wanted to be perfect but I'm not happy with the way things are going. I have good grades and friends and family but I feel empty"

"When you strive for perfection your flaws start becoming wholes on your heart. You're not happy because deep down you don't want this for yourself."

"I guess that makes sense…"

"Casey what do you want to be when you grow up"

"My mom and I have decided I should be a lawyer"

"No. You stink at lying. Besides that wasn't the question. What do You want do?"

"…I…I've entertained the idea of becoming a columnist for a teen magazine. It just seems fun and cool. But what I really, really want to do…is to be a Professional Dancer" Dance and music was my life. I didn't move to the music the music moved me.

"So that's what you should be doing! Forget about law it's boring, you'll hate it. Take music and dance classes and start living your life."

"Victoria always said I was never good enough."

My dad got really quiet for a second. Then spoke.

"How is Victoria?"

"She hates her new family. It's not working out for her. She and I were able to get along for Fiona's wedding"

"That's good"

"Yea, she said something weird to me that day, she said something like 'we maybe sisters after all' weird huh"

"Case, there is something I you should know about you and Victoria"


	4. and me, just thinking out loud

**Disclaimer:** I Do Not Own LWD _But_ I Do Own The Characters That Aren't In The Show…If I decide to put any…

_**Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you I am afraid**_

No…please don't let the next words out of his mouth be that she's my sister. Please. I'll do anything to make the next works not what I think they are.

"She-"

"Did you cheat on mom with Aunt Fiona!" I blurt out. Okay so I was freaking out.

"Yes." I can't believe he just said that. He actually confirmed.

Somewhere in my brain there was a little bit of rational that was happy we had already arrived to the diner when he dropped the bomb.

"I can't believe this…when were you going to tell me?"

"It wasn't something we wanted to get out."

"So what you guys were never going- wait is Vicky my sister?" I say with freaked out eyes.

"No, there was a possibility of it though. That's what Vicky was talking about." He said to me in his calm voice. Me and Vicky….si…sis….sisters. Worst nightmare ever!

"How did you two happen?"

"Well Nora thought she was unable to bare children and her insecurities made us fight about it constantly until one say she told me if I wanted a child I should have one with someone else."

I remained quiet and nodded for him to continue.

"I wasn't planning on doing it but she had left to her mother's house for a while and Fiona had come to see her not knowing she was gone. Fiona had just lost her boyfriend, I was drinking and she decided to join me. It was a one thing lead to another kind of thing."

"How wonderful, how did mom find out?" I say through wet spiteful eyes.

"She didn't. Not about me and Fiona anyway. I still don't think she knows but she did find out about Gabriella Monroe a year later."

"Who was she?"

"Listen Casey, there's no easy way to tell you this but…Gabriella was a woman I had an affair with and she ended up pregnant."

"Are you kidding me?" It was starting to sound like a soap opera.

"No." Why is he so calm!

"So I have a sister running around that I've NEVER met before what else is next-"

"Casey, you don't have a sister running around…the child I had with Gabby was you"

At this I faltered "w…what"

My father, who was becoming more of a stranger by the minute, closed his eyes and smiled.

"We met when we were 17. She was beautiful, Case, her eyes were always so soft and warm winter would melt around her. She never yelled because when she talked you'd listen just to hear her amazing voice. I swear her smile shamed the sun with how bright it was…and she smiled like that at me. She was a Dancer, so I guess it really is in your blood. She had studied at Julliard graduated at the top of her class without even trying."

"what happened why are you talking about her in past tense terms"

"Because she died, a few hours after giving birth to you. There had been some complications but we all thought she was going to pull through. When the nurses cleaned you up and took you to see her she seemed tired but happy. She named you Cassandra and told you how much she loved you. It was a beautiful moment. Then she gave you to me and I couldn't even comprehend what I felt. We were in love but I was married to Nora…actually we were on the verge of divorce. A few hours later she passed away."

Tears streaked my father's eyes.

"If you loved her so much why did you marry mo-Nora"

"Because that kind of thing was frowned upon by society." He bitterly answered.

"What do you mean?"

"Gabriella was my step sister. Her father married my mother when we were 17, sound familiar?"

"A…little….so wait what changed how did you two end up…"

"Our parents split up when we turned 27 and we were no longer step-siblings. By then Nora and I's marriage was at its worst. We were doomed to fail anyway; I only married Nora to try and forget Gabby"

"So why did you stay with Nora?"

"To give you a family, I suppose. I couldn't raise you on my own and I was still grieving. Nora couldn't have kids so in a way it was the perfect solution for her. After I was ready…after I was sure I could handle being a single father Elizabeth was born. Nora played favorites, of course, after she finally had a daughter of her own. That's when the fighting began. She wanted everything to be perfect so she made you her doll she wound you up so tight she suffocated the life right out of you. She made all the mistakes with you and Liz received the better half that's why I hate her so much."

I was in tears and all I could think about was how badly I needed Derek with me. I needed someone that cared for me without any hidden pasts. I needed Derek but I couldn't have him.

"What…about Lizzy "

"Elizabeth isn't my daughter Nora told me as much when we divorced. Only Nora knows who her father is. But I didn't want to hurt the poor child so I played along with Nora's game. Nora didn't want to leave you with me I don't know why maybe spite but she said that it was for your own good and not to confuse you. When we finally decided to divorce I had, had enough and not to hurt you we decided it was better for you to stay with Nora. But your real mother loved you Casey and she was amazing"

"So you get to make all these decisions, why? Why didn't anyone tell me! You're all selfish bastards!" I screamed at him. For the second time this month someone had completely ripped my whole apart within minutes.

After that everything was in a blur. After calming down in the car, which took about two hours, we ate and went home. Dad sent the car back to Nora and I told her I would be staying with dad for the rest of the summer. I didn't let her answer me I hung up. One week later I finally got the courage to look up Gabriella Monroe on the computer.

Dad was right she was amazing, and I saw a lot of myself in her. I looked like her and our dancing styles were a lot alike. Dad showed me pictures and stuff. It was weird that history repeated itself…

I- hold on my phone is ringing.

"Hello"

"Casey its Derek, Don't hang up! I know you didn't want to talk to me but it's been a month and I can't deal with this anymore. I can't not know what's going on it's driving me crazy! I need you to talk to me!"

The only thing I can think to say is the one thing I've wanted to tell him since I left.

"I love you" Derek had loved me for who I was to be best of his ability with no strings attached. I at least wanted him to know I loved him back and that I still loved him.

On the other side of the phone was silence…

"I love you too." He said finally and I felt the tears fall from my eyes. Did you hear him he said it back...

"I'm sorry for hurting you Derek I didn't mean too! I love you more than anything in this world. You're prefect just the way you are, I never wanted to change you I wanted to help you so you didn't have to suffer harsh consequences later. I'm sorry if you felt it different. ..You don't know how bad I've needed you things are so fucked up right now!"

"Where are you?"

"My dad's house…"

"New York?"

"No Toronto"

"Are you there now?"

"Yea…" I say as my voice continues to crack from the tears.

"Do you want me to come and get you?"

"I'm not ready yet Derek…"

"But you love me?"

"More than my heart"

"Okay" We stayed in silence until he spoke again.

"I can't wait forever Casey"

"I want you to be happy even if it's not with me" I would not let that part of History repeat itself. I would not get in the way of Derek's happiness.

"When are you coming home?"

"Before forever"

"Tell me you love me" He tells me out of nowhere.

"I love you Derek"

"say it again"

"I love you."

"One more time"

"I Love you!" I say much louder.

"I'll see you before forever, then."

And with that he hung up. I know I said I wasn't ready but there was a really big part of me that REALLY wanted him to say 'I'm going down there anyway.'

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	5. What goes around

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**I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out. I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes.  
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh every day of my life. My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with **

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A few weeks after Derek and I talked I woke up for what felt like the first time. I was awake and angry. Everything I had learned from my father had finally settled in my brain.

Nora was an old and bitter woman scorned who used me to get back at my father for an affair I had nothing to do with.

She had gotten her revenge, my father was a drunk and I was pushing away everyone that mattered to me to strive for a perfection that Nora herself couldn't even reach. She didn't need revenge on Gabriella Monroe because she had died giving birth to me.

"Dad" I called out. Today I was leaving. I was going to confront Nora Venturi and get the answers that I wanted.

"Yes, hunny?"

"I'm going home. I'm going to talk to Nora and get her side of the story."

"Are you sure? You have to be careful when looking for answers you're not always going to like what you hear."

"I just want the truth"

"You might not even get that" He says to me taking another swing of the bottle. No, I couldn't cure him of his drinking ways but in his defense he was drinking a LOT less.

"I'm going to try and if it doesn't go well, I'll come back."

"No matter what happens, Case, I would like for you to come back. It was great having you here."

"We'll see, I also want to see if I can work things out with Derek."

"You know you've been gone all summer. He might have moved on…"

"I know but there are so many things I need him to know, even if we are over."

"You might not hear what you want to at first, but give him time and go from there."

"Okay, will you walk me downstairs?"

"Sure, you got everything?"

"Yup!"

When we finally went downstairs I put my stuff in the car he had got recently got me.

"Dad, you've been great. Thanks for the truth."

My father, who had stopped being a stranger, nodded.

"…Oh and dad…"

"Yes, Casey" He said to me smiling as I opened the driver's side door.

"Thanks for the car."

With that I got in and took off in my Black Maserati GranTurismo S. The best guilt money could buy. The old Casey 2 months ago wouldn't have accepted this to save her life. But the new Casey has NO problem what-so-ever.

Okay maybe I do feel a little bad but not bad enough to return it.

Anyway, I drove back home following the directions on the navigation system. This would have been the car to have two months ago when I needed to leave.

Okay I'm done swooning.

I called the house number and waited for someone to pick up.

"McDonald-Venturi Residence" Said a cute little girl on the phone. Aw Marti.

"Marti? It's Casey."

"Casey! Smerek Casey's on the phone!"

"No Marti D-"

"Hello" But it's not Derek who answers, its Nora.

"I'm coming home. You and I need to talk." I try to say with an even tone.

"Casey, you can't just leave and expect to come back like nothing's happened. How DARE you just leave like that! You had us worried sick!" Wow she sounds so convincing…I wonder if any of it is real.

"I never said I was coming back to stay. I said that I was coming back to talk to you. There are something's that I found out and I need some answers. If you don't want all of your dirty laundry to come out, tell George to take everyone else out. We should have this talk alone."

"Casey what are you talking about?"

"Gabriella Monroe"

I could almost feel her go completely white. She said nothing for a good two minutes and then…

"The family's been invited to a party everyone's going; we'll be there for a few hours. I have to be there but when I get home I'll send George out with the kids."

"Alright" I'm not completely unreasonable.

"You'll wait until then?"

"Yea" Then I hung up.

When I arrived to the house I hadn't expected they would be there.

"Derek?" I said surprised. I wasn't sure if he'd ever speak to me again but I couldn't stop myself from talking. We hadn't spoken since the last time on the phone I wonder if anything had changed. I wasn't even sure if I should go in to his room so I stayed at the door frame.

He got up from his chair and stared at me for what seemed like forever.

"Okay then I'll just-"

"You look different" He said finally. His voice sounded like he was holding back a lot.

"Yea I dyed my hair and changed up my clothes"

"You look good, really good." he said as he looked me up and down. I can tell you I never felt so naked.

"How did it go?" he asks.

"Oh…it went." I say looking at my feet.

"Nora and everybody else are gonna be back in a few hours so..."

"Your hairs short, you cut it?" I asked abruptly. It looked good, he looked good. Except for the Die Casey Die look he was giving me.

"Yea, I did"

The air was cold between us.

"I still love you Derek. I want you to know that. No one will ever be able to come close to you much less take your place in my heart."

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

"I got answers that I was not expecting."

"They asked about us I told them that we were a fling something to pass the time"

"Is that what we were?" I asked him because that's not what we were to me.

"That's what I told them. I never said I meant it." His eyes burning through my flesh.

"So what did they say?" relief washing over me.

"To never let it happen again. I was grounded for like a month"

"I found out that Nora and Lizzy aren't related to me whatsoever."

"Are you serious? How did that happen?" He says breaking his stoic gaze.

"My dad had an affair; the woman died after she gave birth to me, and so Nora and my dad decided to raise me.

"Well that was cool of her, right?"

"Well it depends…there are a lot of unanswered questions. I need to talk to her and hear her side of the story. Everyone has an opinion but I just want to hear the truth."

"That must have sucked for you. How are you holding up?"

"My head hasn't stopped spinning since my dad told me but that's a conversation I'm saving for Nora. Can we talk about something else?"

"So…you here…with me…does that mean you're ready or you need more time because it's still not forever yet so…"

I went over to him and kissed him as hard as I could. I practically tackled him and the force made us both fall to the floor. That's when our lips broke.

"Derek I'm sorry" I say to him for all the things that happened this summer but him being Derek of course he responds with…

"No its okay the clothes on the floor cushioned my fall." He said recapturing my lips.

We both got up and moved to the bed, which looked new.

"Yea old one mysterious broke, wanna help me break it in." He said as we laid on the bed. I didn't say anything as we kissed one more time. What happened next is personal and private so I'd appreciate it if you didn't ask.

When we heard the family come home we scrambled to gain a more decent appearance. I re-brushed my hair among other things.

"Casey" I heard Nora call out to me.

Derek and I both went downstairs.

"Derek, I thought you were leaving to Sam's house." Asked George.

"I decided to stay and wait for Casey"

"Casey is that your car out there!" Asked Edwin?

"Oh yea it was a gift from Dad"

Everyone but my mom went to go see it. I could hear the approvals a mile away.

"We need to talk" I said to Nora.

"How much did Dennis tell you?"

"Everything"

"So you know then. You know your father cheated on me with his sister and had you!"

"She was his step-sister and their parents had divorced by that time." I answered firmly.

"Casey, I'm sorry to interrupt but do you mind if we take the car out for a spin" Asked George with pleading eyes. I had nothing against him and I couldn't resist the puppy eyes Derek was giving me.

"Sure, but don't waste the gas and Derek goes first." I say tossing him the keys.

"I love ya, babe" and with that they were gone.

"He said you were just a fling, someone to do when he was bored. Do you even care that he's your step-brother, Casey" She told me.

"That's just it Nora, he's not. You're not my mother and George is great but he's no one to me. I am merely a guest in this house but I'm not here to talk about Derek and me. I'm here to talk about the past."

"I raised you as my daughter and loved you as my own! I don't know what Dennis told you but…"

"Nora you made me do everything for you. I was your personal assistant for everything. You would push me so hard and nothing was EVER good enough for you. You wouldn't let me stay with my Dad even after the divorce. You lied to me, why?"

"I raised you right!"

"You raised me to be like you! Miserable!"

"You never let me have any fun and I remember you used to make me stay at home doing all these boring assignments for school. You didn't let me go out to social events and have real friends. Every time I would achieve something it was never good enough you always asked me for more and you'd guilt trip me if I didn't"

"You played favorites with Lizzy because she's your daughter; you hate me because my father loved someone else!"

"So what if I did! It got you where you are today! You're at the top of your class and you excel in everything. You should be thanking me!" she yelled and I couldn't believe her. All I really want is an apology but I don't think I'll get it.

"Was it not enough that she died giving birth to me? Why make us all miserable?"

The rest of the family walked in.

"and what about Lizzy, M-o-m"

"What's going on?" Asked Lizzy.

"She's innocent, Casey"

"So was I" I snapped back

"When are you leaving?"

"As soon as you give me a straight answer"

"Casey you're leaving again, is it because of you and Derek…Derek already explained to us…" began George but Nora shot him a look.

"George. Take the kids out for ice cream I need to talk to Casey alone."

"Al…right. Kids lets go."

"No. I want to know what you guys are talking about! What about me? Casey why did you leave? Why are you and mom fighting?"

"Nothing Lizzy, go with George!" commanded Nora.

Then Derek, Edwin, and Marti walked in.

"Babe, you car is awesome!" The mere sight of him made me calm down.

"What's going on with you two?" Nora asked me.

"We're together. Like together, together." I say with a defiant smile.

"Yeay! Smerek and Casey!" Screamed out Marti.

"Everyone needs to leave Casey and I need to talk alone!" Roared Nora.

Everyone filed out, except of Derek who just put an arm around me and glared at Nora.

"It's okay Derek, I can handle it. Go with your dad and help him with the kids."

Derek nodded and kissed me on the lips before he left.

"It's disgusting."

"Why, I'm not your daughter and after what you put me through you don't see me as one."

"What was I supposed to do. Your father had a child with someone else how was I supposed to treat act"

"Why didn't you let my dad go? Why not let him have me after the divorce? Why lie to him about Lizzy's paternity?"

"I was going to but then I found out he slept with my sister and it made me angrier than before. I wanted him to be miserable so I made him as unhappy as he made me."

"What about me what the hell did I have to do with this fucked up game?"

"You were the daughter of THAT WOMAN. You know he loved her to distraction. At night he'd call for her. He said her name constantly. I couldn't take it! My only consolation is that she's dead"

I lost control of myself and slapped her as hard as I could.

"All I really wanted was an apology but you don't even have enough heart to do that!"

"Leave, Casey!"

"No without payback."

"What are you talking about?" sounding slightly horrified.

"I'm going to tell the whole family. Then I'm going to tell them why I can't stay and I hope George has the good sense to divorce you."

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